


Noyade

by mag_and_mac



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien bb no, Adrien is a sad bean, Adrien-centric, Child Abuse, Chloe needs to stop, Cutting, Depressed!Adrien, Dork Adrien Agreste, Drinking, F/M, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I want to scream, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, It Gets Worse, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Like, Marinette is scarier than ladybug, Poor Adrien, SADrien, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Suicide Notes, Why do I do this to myself, and ladybug is a superhero, and they're the same person, angst train choo-choo, but oh boy, depressed adrien, gabriel is a dick', i just want my children to be happy, i want to strangle gabriel with his own akumas, idek if it gets better, ill add more tags later, im crying, ladybug is gonna kill half of fucking paris, mama agreste please come back, mari's pissed, my poor bb adrien, o shit, oh shit she's gonna fucking murder half of france, protect my sunshine child
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-21
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 07:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13759410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mag_and_mac/pseuds/mag_and_mac
Summary: **latest chapter is an update, not a chapter“I just… I have this,” She paused to sniffle, “Friend. He- He’s amazing.” She smiled fondly, before her lips turned downwards once more as she continued, “B-but he- his father… I don’t know.”Adrien had a bad feeling she was talking about him once she mumbled something about a father.Marinette buried her face in her knees to hide her tears.“He doesn’t get that he’s amazing, and funny, and kind. His father- he…” she took a shuddering breath, “He’s tried to kill himself, and I know he’s getting worse, and I want to help him… Adrien,” She looked up and her glassy eyes me his, “He’s really messed up.”Adrien couldn’t choke out a response even if he wanted to, instead pulling Marinette in for an awkward hug.“I-I think…” She mumbled into his shoulder as memories of his green eyes, sweet smile, and constant concern for her flashed in her mind. His stupid puns, and self-sacrificial tendencies…“You think what, Mari?” He mustered out.“I think I love him.”





	1. Ladybugs

Six years old, with a heart as golden as his hair, and a smile brighter than a star, Adrien sat leaning against his mother. The day was ending, as was his plate of crepes. They were messy and chunky because it was the first time his mother had allowed him to actually cook with her. To him they were perfect. Just like their family.

He was too young to understand.

His mother didn’t take him with her.

It still burns.

-

“No. You are to stay in your room and practice Chinese.” Gabriel said again, cold as ever.

Adrien had a sudden surge of his mother’s temper. “You can’t make me!”

He barely had the chance to finish before his father reached out and grabbed his forearm. “I can, and I will make you, boy!” he said, uncharacteristically angry.

“Father… you’re… it hurts.” Adrien said through gritted teeth. Crying was for the weak. He wouldn’t allow himself to.

Gabriel dropped Adrien’s arm, sneered, and walked out.

-

It bruised.

It was the first time his father had left any sort of mark on his body. It wasn’t the last, especially after his father turned to alcohol when he was nine.

Gabriel tended to get upset any time his mother showed in his personality. Unfortunately for Adrien, that was quite often. 

-

The first person to notice anything was Marinette, six years after the abuse started.

“Adrien, that’s a pretty bruise n-nasty.. I- I mean.. that’s a pretty bruise… err… that’s a pretty nasty bruise! A-are you okay?”

Adrien smiled. He hoped she hadn’t noticed his fleeting grimace.

“Yeah.. I fell in fencing,” He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, “No big deal.”

Marinette nodded and promptly yelped as she ran off to her seat after the bell rang.

-

The only other person who ever noticed was ladybug.

They were on patrol and Chat was showing of his backflip skills to his lady. As he landed he winced with pain, immediately sending Ladybug mothering him, as there hadn’t been an akuma in weeks. There was no reason to be hurt. Ladybug quickly found out that the bell on his suit was a zipper, and used this knowledge to try and expose his torso. 

Sensing what she was about to do, he backed up against the edge on the rooftop, fear in his eyes resembling prey that knew there was no escape. 

“No, no, no, no. Please, Ladybug, don’t..” He was begging. 

She didn’t listen. He had quickly learned that one does not fight their attacker, and when she persisted in trying to open his suit, he looked down ashamed, but allowed it to happen.

She almost threw up.

Hundred of burns, scars, and bruises marred his skin, the most prominent stretching from his left shoulder to his right hip bone. 

He was thankful she couldn’t see his back.

“I..” He muttered.

Seeing the shock in her eyes, he felt disgusting. He didn’t want to cause her to worry. He scrambled for the zipper, and ran.

-

‘Great. You ruined your only friendship.’ He would later think, as he dismantled yet another pencil sharpener.


	2. Marinette

His heart was racing more than when his father approached him with a cracked beer bottle. She was there, she hated him. She _hated_ him. He was sure of it. Who could tolerate someone their own father couldn’t? 

“Kitty?”

She was in front of him, oh god, oh god. _Oh. God._

“You need to breathe. Look at me. You need to breathe.”

He glanced up before his eyes fluttered shut. He couldn’t bear to see the concern he had caused.

-

She had seen two weeks ago, and he had done the brave thing. The brave thing being hid. Plagg forced him out after weeks of laying low... She wasn’t supposed to have been patrolling anyway, so truly nothing could have gone wrong. It did.

He saw her, promptly started freaking out, and caught her attention.

Ladybug asked about the marks.

He said he was fine.

They fought.

_“I love you, and I don’t want you hurt!”_

_“I love you, too, and I don’t need you to fight my battles for me!”_

_“Chat, let me help you.”_

_“I don’t need your help!_ You don’t even know who I am.” 

She cried.

So did he.

He ran.

Again.

-

He ended up atop the famous Tom & Sabine Boulangerie Patisserie after running for an hour. He didn’t know why. Scrambling to leave before his classmate heard him, he managed to knock over a potted plant, and send her up to the balcony even faster than she would have come normally.

Of course.

“Chat Noir? What ar-” Her words died in her throat. Had he been crying?

“Are you okay? Come inside.” She stepped aside to let him into her room, motherly instincts taking over, and he went as instructed.

“Are you hurt?” She asked.

He chuckled. “No… it’s just… I fought with Ladybug, and now she hates me… I mean, I’m not sure she liked me much to begin with…,” He mumbled the last part, and Marinette’s heart broke.

“She saw something nobody was supposed to, and now she’s mad at me.” He looked miserable sitting on Marinette’s floor. “And,” He produced a sad laugh, “I have no idea why I’m telling you any of this, I mean I don’t even know you, and you can’t possibly do anyth-” He was interrupted by Marinette hugging him fiercely, and suddenly his shoulder felt damp. Was this girl crying for a complete stranger?

She truly was something else.

“What happened, Chat?” Marinette asked him after a moment. She truly wanted him to be okay.

Since Chat Noir had no connections to Marinette, he felt strangely safe letting her know.

“She… she found a bunch of… well.” He gave up and decided to just expose his torso. He didn’t take it off to show her his back, though. He’d have to take off his sleeves for that, and letting her in on this was one thing, but she didn’t need to know about his self harming habits.

He chuckled again, bitter and hollow. “She found out my dad beats me.”


	3. Mari's pissed

Knowing he had the scars, knowing something was wrong about his home life, it still wasn’t as much of a punch to the gut as hearing him say it so bluntly. Now it was real.

Marinette didn’t try to hide her tears, as she covered her mouth and went in for another hug.

She hates that he flinched.

This boy in front of her meant the world to her. He was charismatic and charming, kindhearted- oh boy, did he love with all of his heart, loyal… There weren’t enough words in the French language to define him. And someone abused him? Someone thought that the boy in front of her was not the most _beautifully sweet_ man to have ever graced their life?

She started sobbing into his shoulder.

How many times had he gone straight from being thrown around by an akuma to being thrown around by his father?

How many times had she rejected him as Ladybug, failing to give him the love he deserved and couldn’t find at home?

How many masks did he wear?

- 

After an hour, Marinette sat in front of him cleaning the fresh wounds with her first aid kit.

Angry tears stung her eyes as she mumbled, “How often does he hurt you, Chaton?”

He wasn’t meant to hear it, but his hearing was extra sensitive.

At the question he smiled at the floor.

“He can only hurt me when he’s around, princess. Half the time he’s too busy for me.”

She looked up.

“So your mother raises you?” She asked, “Does she hurt you?”

He refused to look at her.

“No… My mother…”

Now he looked up at the ceiling to stop the tears from falling. When he cried, he got beaten harder.

Biting his lip, he revealed, “I wasn’t important enough to her for her to take me with her, I guess. She left when I was six.”

Marinette wanted to scream. What had her kitten done to deserve this?


	4. Oh fuck what have i done

“Chat, I have to help you. Why didn’t you tell me?”

Ladybug had successfully gotten him to sit down with her after a week of pestering. She hadn’t managed to wipe the fear of rejection from his eyes yet, though.

Chat looked up. “First of all,” He began, “You can’t help me. You don’t even know who I am, and I would like to keep it that way. Second, how was I supposed to tell you? Just show up to patrol one night and be like, ‘Oh yeah, by the way, my father is an abusive drunk.’?” 

Ladybug ignored the second part of his statement.

“I thought you were desperate for an identity reveal?”

“Not anymore…,” He answered, “I don’t want you to track my father down and kill him. I know he hurts me now, but he might change. I mean, he obviously hits me because I’m not good enough right now. I can become better, and then we’ll be happy again, and it’ll go back to the way it used to be, and...” He choked.

_And his mother might come back._

“He gives me shelter, water, he feeds me,”

_Sometimes._

“He’s given me the only home I know,” Chat was almost crying at this point, “You can’t report him or kill him or do anything. You can’t know who I am.”

“Chat, that's not healthy. You shouldn't want to stay with someone because you think they'll change, or just because you don't know how to escape. You don’t need to change for anyone. You’re the most amazing boy I know.”

Chat’s watery green eyes met her stormy bluebells.

Ladybug looked ready to kick in the teeth of anyone who so much as breathed on him, but sighed and agreed with him. No point trying to convince him when he seemed so adamant.

They sat for a while longer, until Chat’s miraculous beeped.

“I guess this is it for now. CATch you later?” He tried for a pun.

Ladybug didn’t smile, got up and hugged him, and watched him run home.

_

He didn’t actually go home.

He stopped in an alleyway, fed Plagg, and went to Marinette’s. He only stopped on the way once.

Tapping lightly on her window, he watched her jump in surprise, turn around, and when she saw him her irritated face melted into concern.

Opening the window, she let him in.

“What’s going on Chat Noir?”

He looked sheepish. “I… um… I came to apologize?” He said pulling out a yellow rose.

She looked confused.

“I mean, for bothering you last week. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

Her confused face turned into an angry one.

 _“Excuse me?”_ She asked, looking ready to slap someone into next week.

“I-”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me. You didn’t bother me by coming to me with such a huge issue! I’m going to fucking murder your father if you think it’s necessary for you to apologize to someone for them showing you the tiniest bit of gratitude!” She was breathing heavily and her eyes were ablaze.

Chat had no idea what to do. He stood in front of her, mouth agape.

“I suppose I could go bac-”

She interrupted him again.

“No. You are going to come here every _fucking_ night until you learn how people are supposed to _fucking_ treat each other.”

She didn’t find Chat annoying?

“You… want me to come back?”

Marinette glared at him, daring him to argue.

“I mean… I guess?” He answered.

Seemingly satisfied, she sat down on her chaise.

“So, anything you want to talk about?” She smiled as if she hadn’t looked like she wanted to murder half of France five seconds prior.

-

Time flew by, talking to Marinette. Soon enough it was one in the morning, and Chat left. Sneaking back into his house felt strange. The walls seemed cold and the air seemed stale, a striking contrast from Mari’s home which seemed to radiate love and warmth. 

From then on he kept his word, and snuck out to see her every night for two months, and once summer break started it was even easier.

-

To say Marinette was worried would be to say the Amazon rainforest was made of a few trees. She was beyond flustered, pacing back and forth. Chat Noir never failed to come, and it was almost midnight. Normally he tended to arrive around ten.

He didn’t come for two weeks.

She told herself that he was on vacation, but it didn’t make sense. He would have told her, no?

When he arrived she didn’t know whether she wanted to strangle him with his own tail, or hug him.

Seeing his facial expression, she quickly decided to hug him.

Letting him in, she asked where he had been into his chest. When he said the hospital, she pulled away to look into his eyes and demanded to know why.

He took off his gloves, and began to roll up his sleeves stopping only to look her in the eyes and mumble, “Please, _please_ don’t tell Ladybug.”

He showed her bandages running up the length of both of his forearms.

He was on the verge of tears as he explained that it did work, and he did die. Twice. They managed to bring him back, though.

“I know,” he said dejectedly, “I’m so pathetic.”

He looked at Marinette who had been silent the whole time, and she waited a moment before her lips parted and her eyebrows furrowed, and she began weeping into his shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

He had to run. He didn’t know where to, but he couldn’t stay. Half of his father’s attacks were bordering on life threatening by now, especially after his suicide ‘episode’, so Adrien transformed and left.

He’d managed to find the rooftop of an abandoned building and rest. He couldn’t breathe, and not just because he’d sprinted for a mile and a half.

Ladybug hated him, Marinette was annoyed and overwhelmed with him, Plagg never cared to begin with, Nino and Alya were too caught up in each other to notice anything wrong, he-

He hiccuped.

_He was alone._

He sat there looking into the night sky- how he wished it could just consume him-, scratching at his arms, for what felt like hours.

His isolation was interrupted by the soft landing of feet behind him, though.

Shit.

It was her night to patrol.

His heart rising to his throat, he dared turn around at the gentle call of his name.

There she stood, a concerned expression nestled over a face that should have been smiling.

Concern for him.

He felt sick.

“I...”

She shushed him and beckoned him over for a hug.

“I’m not mad at you, silly.” She mumbled into his chest.

He pulled back from the hug, still gingerly touching her arm, as though he was sure she would disappear with a gust of wind.

Locking his bright, watery green eyes with her striking, equally moist blue ones, he whispered, “Really?”

His eyes were wide as he searched for an answer.

Ladybug melted.

He was too good to deserve any of this.


	6. oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oOpS
> 
> Sorry for the wait! This is kind of a filler chapter but I should update soon!

Marinette knew he was getting worse. She couldn’t stop thinking about him, and with every conversation they shared, she knew even more that he needed professional help. She was stressed, and worried, and she just wanted to hug him and cry all at once. 

A tear streaked down her face, and she couldn’t say she was surprised. She had had to excuse herself from class mumbling something about a bathroom, leaving behind a very confused Alya. She was on the verge of a mental breakdown and couldn’t go having a panic attack in the middle of class. So, she sat with her back against the wall outside the classroom, head in her hands, and trapped in her swirling thoughts.

“Marinette?” A sudden voice surprised her.

“Adrien…” She looked up, hand reaching to wipe at her eyes at lighting speed.

He frowned. “Are you okay, Mari? You ran out of class pretty quick.”

“Fine, you?”

He raised an eyebrow, and said, “It’s okay not to be okay, Marinette. What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing.” She mumbled, memories of a certain cat catching up with her again. Her throat got even tighter. “I’m just stressed, is all.”

“About what? I haven’t heard you talk about any design competitions.”

Seeing as he wouldn’t drop the subject, she decided to oblige. There was no harm, as long as she didn’t say names.

“I just… I have this,” She paused to sniffle, “Friend. He- He’s amazing.” She smiled fondly, before her lips turned downwards once more as she continued, “B-but he- his father… I don’t know.”

Adrien had a bad feeling she was talking about him once she mumbled something about a father.

Marinette buried her face in her knees to hide her tears.

“He doesn’t get that he’s amazing, and funny, and kind. His father- he…” she took a shuddering breath, “He’s tried to kill himself, and I know he’s getting worse, and I want to help him… Adrien,” She looked up and her glassy eyes me his, “He’s really messed up.”

Adrien couldn’t choke out a response even if he wanted to, instead pulling Marinette in for an awkward hug.

“I-I think…” She mumbled into his shoulder as memories of his green eyes, sweet smile, and constant concern for her flashed in her mind. His stupid puns, and self-sacrificial tendencies…

“You think what, Mari?” He mustered out.

“I think I love him.”

Adrien choked.


	7. i dont know how to title chapterz

Adrien’s mind was racing so fast, he was pretty sure it beat the last NASCAR record.

She loved him.

She _loved_ him!

He was so elated by the fact that someone _loved_ him, he almost didn’t think of the consequences.

He didn’t love her back. He loved Ladybug.

Of course, he loved her passion for sewing.

And how she always stuck up for people, and never took any of Chloe’s bullshit.

And how sweet and motherly she had been to him when he came crying or injured.

And it was hard not to notice how _cute_ she was, with her little button nose and her big blue eyes.

Oh, God.

He had a crush on Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

He had no idea how he was going to face her that night.

-

He knocked sharply on the window of her room, and it barely took a minute before it was opened for him.

“Hi! Marinette! Hello! How was your night!?” He awkwardly shouted.

She flinched, and retorted, “Can you speak a bit louder? I’m not entirely sure they heard you in America, Chat.”

Sheepishly, he looked down at his boots. “Yeah… Heh. Sorry for yelling, Mari.”

She looked concerned as she leaned in closer to inspect him. “Is something wrong, Kitty?” She asked, looking at him as though an answer she couldn’t quite reach, was hidden in his eyes. As her eyes stared into his, his heart fluttered in a way it never had for Ladybug. He knew in his heart that what he felt for Ladybug had been little more than infatuation. This? This was love.

“Me!? I! Am fine! I love you that you asked, though! You’re so sweet!” His eyes widened as he seemingly understood what had come out of his mouth, “I mean! I don’t love you! What? No, of course I love you! But! Just! Ugh.” He said, burying his head in his hands.

Marinette nodded slowly, but seemed almost amused that she was not the one stumbling over her words, for once.

“So…,” She started, desperate to rid the air of it’s awkwardness, “Want to play some video games? I have cookies.”

She couldn’t help but want to kiss him when his face melted into an adorable combination of relief and excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww my poor awkward children


	8. STATUS! UPDATE!

Hey everyone!

So, I'd like to start off by apologizing. It's been a while since the last chapter, and a lot of you guys are waiting for it. I just wanted to let you know that I won't be doing another update for a little bit. THIS STORY IS NOT GOING ON HIATUS, but I think my writing is really shit and I don't quite understand why so many of you like it. Not that you haven't been supportive, or anything; You guys are the absolute kindest readers ever. I just don't quite understand how you can tolerate such bad writing, but the explanation of why is sad and depressing and nobody wants to hear about my stupid mind. Anyway, I'm just going to do a little re-write of the existing chapters before I continue? If that's okay? Super sorry.

Again, I'm sorry.

Love you all! <3

-M


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